The Quote

What’s with the quotes ? That must be the first thought that crosses your mind soon after you click on this post right ? Sure you cannot lie to me because you know, i’m a psychic (psst joking)

The reason for the quotes actually it feels like my inner voice speaking. That’s why I’m posting this entry. I’ve been broken and bruised for years now, some may know my state of mind, some may not or some may act like they know. And Yes, I’ve been hurt for years. I couldn’t get over things that happened to me years ago. It’s like the ghost from the past still wouldn't let me get the best life I’ve hoped for. To be honest, I don’t know who to blame so I blame it on the ghost instead. Or maybe it’s me who’s problematic actually.

Things are personal, I would love to write everything but I’m afraid that some people might judge me or my life. My life is wreck messed up drama and This never ending drama really gives me headache. I don’t wanna ask for more but to be stronger everyday. I asked God after every prayers to make me stronger and wiser. So that i don’t let anything affects me. After my parents got separated when I was 16, my life has never been better. I have to deal with so many things that i never thought would happen to me. There are days where i laugh like there’s no tomorrow but during those times, my head couldn’t stop thinking that things will get awful right after. There are days where i just cried, until my eyes were bloated. During that times,  I was hoping for people to reach out their hands, but what i did when the do, i shut them down. I couldn’t let the thoughts that they won’t understand me, and that they will judge me out of my mind. I know friends are trying to help me but it’s just I don’t want them to but at the same time i want them to care.

At least I’m doing better in hiding now. I hide my problems pretty well now. But sometimes i feel lonely. I crave for attention. I want people to see the broken me and tell me that everything’s gonna be better with times. I don’t know. Maybe the only thing i need right now is Myself.

Today, 26 May. I feel great and had a massive enjoyment with my cousins. I even sleep over at their house, it’s just something hit me when i read the quotes, nothing serious haha. Anyway, I need to head back to the room now. Lights need to be off. But fret not, I’ll write again when i have times and story to tell. Till then, i end my entry with prayer that If anyone who reads this feels the same things as i do or maybe slightly different, I pray that you guys will get through it no matter how much the tides tried to bring you down. I know it will get soooo hard but trust me you will get better. Just know, when I was 17. I almost cut my wrist because things were so hard and i was vulnerable but look at me now, still healing and getting better and stronger than i was before. You’re gonna get through it. I love you ❤️ , xoxo

Nom de plume,

Intan