Myself

Welcome back to my super boring blog where I'm pretty sure not many people visit. Well, it's understandable since I have not yet exposed my link to anyone other than my sister. and she doesn't really like coming in here since nothing is interesting for her to read. 

Well anyway, without further due. Let's start :)

The reason why I'm feeling like posting something on my blog today is that earlier today, I stumbled upon a video on Instagram where this one dad is giving present MB to his daughter and he was like telling people on how much he neglected his daughter since they have an autism brother so his attention fully shifted on the brother instead of the little daughter. While I was watching the video, there is something ignited within me. Something uneasy but happy at the same time. Then, I was like I need to write about this on my blog so here it goes the reason for this post's existence. 

What I'm about to tell, the opinions might be different based on how you view them. If you think what I'm about to write is pretty personal then it's personal. But as for me, it's not. Since these things had changed me a lot. So enough with me dragging more times, let's start ( for real )

I'm the first daughter in my family. and the existence of me had been such a huge present for my parents, especially my mother. My existence was not really predicted since my mother had some issues when she was having me. And having a daughter was pretty surprised for her since I was confirmed to be a different gender which is A boy. If you ask me what is the most thing I'm contented of being me, I would say this story where my birth was surprised for my mother. My life was outstanding, superb anything similar. I was having my best life when I was little despite being restricted from going out of home other than school, I was still blessed with being given the chance to live. Not even once, I whined of how I was raised. And I'm that daughter who never asks for whatever she wants ever since I was little. I was given. As I grow older, people around me were exposed to so many things. They were living their best life and it differs from me. I was told to only stay inside. I couldn't attend birthday parties, or let alone going out with friends. And I never whined but there were times when things were extreme and I couldn't accept it. I rebelled but still, that wasn't a ticket for me to get what I wanted. I was never raised that way.

I have a cousin where he basically got everything I wanted. I was so envious towards him, there were times when I went to bed crying because I couldn't get what he got. But I never told my mom about this. Because I know if they were able to afford me with those luxuries, they would've given me everything. I have always locked myself in my room and talked to my mirror, " It's okay Intan, you're gonna get that when you're older enough than you are now, You're gonna work hard to get that. just stay patient ". I was always that kind of daughter to my parents. Then, I had my puberty when I was 15, I never thought that was the last year I could enjoy what I had before it's taken away from me. 16 years old Intan, where her life was a downward spiral. Everything I had, was taken away from me. I had to live every day with excruciating problems. Back then, I would always ask God and blamed Him. Fast forward to a few years later, I am still trying to survive. Each day feels like a nonstop battle that no one knows. I have to survive this battle with myself. I'm basically doing quite good despite having so much on my plate. 

When things get hard, I would think positively. Like, the aftertaste of what I'm feeling right now will be huge so Intan, You can fight this. and with that thought, I go on living my life trying to be on my own two feet. and also when things get rough, I would always look up for people that I really trust. I'm thankful that even if my life isn't doing great, I still have amazing people around me. Friends who I will always look up to, and also friends that always checking up on me when they sense something isn't right. I'm blessed and I'll try so hard to be nice to each and every friend that I have. regardless of being someone with flaws, you guys are still with me. I know being hurt doesn't give me the right to hurt others. but still, you guys are such amazing friends. 

I guess that's all for today. My brother seems couldn't get his eyes off my laptop now. It's so annoying.

I'll write soon when i have something to story, till then I end my entry with a prayer that

 For people who read this post, I hope you don't give up on yourself. Not getting what you want is fine but still, you have to work for that, and giving up is not the answer. You're gonna get there sooner or later. Just have faith and stay Sabr. 

Nom de plume,

Intan