Pursuit of

"No fun for the writer, no fun for the reader"

Well, you read it right. I've been brainstorming for the past few minutes of what to write since I feel like writing tonight. I'm not trying so hard though since the reason why I made this blog is only to occupy my free time with doing something not as stupid as playing games or watching videos on TikTok (this one I lie). I'm currently listening to Tea by emawk while writing this entry for you guys (you guys? Really gal). I've been obsessing over this song for a couple days. It's something new for me but the music really suits my taste at this moment. as if it etched in my brain. Well, enough with the song. I think I figure out what to write this time, I can't promise that I'll make it less boring since I'm still learning how to make my writing looks interesting and looks yummy to the readers. haha, I still got the time to learn about something that isn't my major. I have the audacity to ditch my reports for this, I'm truly living my life to the fullest at this point. ok ok enough with all the foolish insolent talk, let's be real.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as I grow older, I'm proud to say that I learned so many things in this life better than my friend does. maybe not all friends at least those who downgrade me. I understand why certain friends choose to be a pain in the neck for no solid reason. first, maybe they are jealous. second, because they think there is no way in this world someone like me can beat them. or maybe they just did that because they think they know better, or maybe they are a narcissist. But, I don't hate them obviously not because I'm not like that. I don't have people because of their flaws. They are maybe either being born that way or they are not happy with their life. I understand. Enough enough, that's not my point for tonight. I want to talk about me only on my blog. I don't wanna bother myself talking about others. I ain't bringing unnecessary negativity here. 

I've walked on thin ice while growing up. I discovered so many things along the way. for example, Love is not as easy as ABC. I am literally alone in this world of mine. I learned the people who said they are there for you, are being there to satisfy themselves. like, they just wanna feel like they are doing a good job by being someone that heals you (as if). when actually you heal your freaking self alone. I was alone during my worst nights, I was alone when this huge load is pressing down on me. I was alone when there are hundreds of solid rock flinging right on my face. how did I recover from all that by being alone? I told myself over and over and over when we're going through growth, there must be hiccups or glitches somewhere along the way. like a programmer, in programming an app or a game. there must be lots of glitches and they need to overcome those glitches in order to develop an excellent app or game. so, I told myself every time I had breakdowns that 'Intan, these are only glitches, overcome this then the whole world can be in the palms of your hand'. only with that, you can pat yourself in the head telling yourself 'Good job, you've overcome this. not everyone can do it but you did'. 

as the days, months, and years passed by. I learned a lot about love, marriage, relationship, friendship, life. I also learned how to better and confidence in myself without having to think about what others are thinking. Love when you're ready, not when you're lonely. Marriage isn't as simple as saying 'I do'. A relationship is not as beautiful as what people curated on social media. Friendship is a two-way street, understanding goes back and forth. when I was young, everything is so much like a fairytale to me. You meet someone, you think you know them better than anyone else did, then you both off for a new phase which is a relationship. but things don't last longer than you thought it could be as you both got drifted apart. then you broke up. and meet someone else. it's like a vicious cycle that everyone needs to go through in order to learn lessons. as for me, all these things are going to take up a lot of my precious time living in this world. I think my times are costly to be puzzling out on how to date someone, how to look good for someone, or how to find someone in order to make myself happy. our definition of happiness differs. but having someone in my life doesn't guarantee myself of happiness. 

my pursuit of happiness is to freely pursue joy and live life in a way that makes me happy as long as I don't bother anyone else. love comes later whenever Allah decided to happen. as for now, I'm doing things for myself. después de los anos mil, torna el agua a su corril. ha nak tau meaning, google lah sendiri. 

Reading back what I've typed, wow why the heck I sounded so serious? guess this is it, i hope it gets to you. searching for someone in this life who can match the mold of your footsteps is not easy. it takes time. so chill and enjoy life. we aren't living for a thousand years. Christina perri lied to you so have fun and live every day like there is no tomorrow. you guys can do it. xoxo

nom de plume,

Intan